Today I have taken the brave step of discovering what dreadful things await me, as foretold by the Fantod Pack, a deck of Edward Gorey designed Tarot cards.

The cards are interpreted by Madame Weyrd, author of Floating Tambourines, a collection of esoteric verse and The Future Speaks Through Entrails. So you know you’re in safe hands.

‘To read your fortune, first shuffle the pack and take it in your left hand. Stand in the centre of a sparsely furnished room and close your eyes. Fling the pack into the air. Keep your eyes closed. Pick up five cards and place them face up in the form of a cross.’ Here goes.

The centre card, the Effigy, shows my current situation – of broken hopes and an accident in a stadium. The card above, a dandified skinless man shows something from the past that contiunes to afflict my future – June’s bout of sexual incompetence and that accident on the pier. The limb, my inner self – ignominy! The tunnel, the outer world – a swindle. The child is the future, bringing loss of youth, crawling sickness and cattarh.